The Magpie Rewards Program
Once upon a time, the Magpie Rewards Program involved slips of paper, because the internet hadn't been invented yet my ex-wife never got around to [insert technobabble here]. And inevitably, people lost those slips of paper, and then nobody was happy, and THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.
But we live in the future now, and I no longer have to reinvent the wheel every time I want to change my website (NO I’M NOT STILL BITTER WHY DO YOU ASK) and you no longer have to try to keep track of eleventy-three tiny pieces of paper. Which is pretty awesome for both of us, and also for trees.
See that little banner that says "Magpie Rewards" down at the bottom of your screen? Make sure you're logged into your account, then click the banner and see what happens. Go ahead, I'll wait.
Pretty awesome, right?
From now on, Magpie Points will automatically be accumulated every time you order something, as long as you're logged into your account. When you get enough of them, redeem them for delightful money-saving coupons! And also, you earn points just for having an account! Or for spamming telling all your friends about your favorite place to buy shinies!
"But Kythryne," you say, "I have eleventy-three tiny pieces of paper, and I thought 1 point = $1 of credit, and now I'm confused!"
You and me both, my friend, you and me both. Math is hard* - but fear not! We have calculators! Here's how to convert your paper Magpie Points into the new system:
Digital conversion mode: First, take a photo of all of your points, with the numbers visible. Then tear all your points in half, take a photo of the resulting confetti, and throw them in the recycling. Email both photos to email@example.com and I'll look up your account, do some math*, and add the appropriate number of points to the new system.
Luddite conversion mode: gather up your points, write your mailing address and email address on a piece of paper, stick it all in an envelope and mail it to:
7 Celtic Street
Concord NH 03301
When I get them, I'll look up your account, do some math*, and add the appropriate number of points to the new system. Please print legibly; if I can not figure out who you are, I can not convert your points. Mind-reading and cryptology cost extra.
Obligatory Fine Print: I am not responsible for paper points lost, eaten by your dog, or destroyed in the mail. Please allow 1-3 weeks for processing, because I have a small child.
*Math Is Hard:
In the old system, you earned 1 point for every $10 you spent, and 1 point was worth $1. So if you had 5 points, you got $5 of credit. And so on. Spend $100, earn 10 points, get $10.
In the new system, you earn 10 points for every $1 you spend, and 100 points are worth $1. So if you have 500 points, you get $5 of credit. And so on. Spend $100, earn 1000 points, get $10.
Which means that 1 old-style paper point is now worth 100 points, which are worth $1. Still with me? Good. (We won't talk about how long it took me to figure out how this worked.) If you convert 6 old-style paper points, you'll get 600 points added to your account. If you convert 17 old-style paper points, you'll get 1700 points added to your account.
The other change is that points are no longer limited to credit for custom jewelry or free mystery items; instead you redeem for $-off coupon codes, in increments of $5. So you can redeem 500 points for a $5 coupon code, 1000 points for a $10 coupon code, and so on. I'll be adding some special reward levels for those of you with eleventy-seventeen points over the next few months, too.