my child is smarter than I am, part 793 in a series

Pull up a chair, folks, I'm going to tell you a story. 

About a week and a half ago, my child lost all screentime privileges because she decided that lying to me was a good idea. I advised her of this and I took away her iPad and all the remote controls; after she went to bed, just for good measure I also blocked the TV at the router on the theory that she might figure out how to use the buttons on the side of the TV to navigate through menus. 

The next morning I walked into her bedroom and discovered that sometime after I went to sleep she had snuck downstairs, found a different iPad that I had actually forgotten we have, powered it up, guessed the 4-digit passcode, and stayed up half the night playing Minecraft. 

She very smugly informed me that I hadn't said ANYTHING about THAT iPad. I  informed her that she was going to law school. 

BUT WAIT, IT GETS BETTER.

She eventually earned limited screentime through good behavior, but on the condition that at bedtime she now has to give me any and all electronic devices that she might have in her possession, including but not limited to iPads, phones, televisions, computers, or old Palm Pilots that she might have rummaged out of the many boxes of electronic junk in the basement. 

(I was a tech widow for 13 years. There are a lot of random electronic devices floating around this house.)

Last night I took away her iPad (I even have a witness, because I was on the phone at the time and my friend heard me tell her to hand it over) and went to bed not long after she did, with ALL of the iPads in the house safely in my bedroom.

Fast forward to this morning: I got up, got her out of bed, saw that she was staggering around more than normal and seemed exhausted and disoriented, and called her out sick from school figuring she was probably coming down with something.

...about an hour later I noticed that there was only one iPad in my bedroom. BECAUSE THE LITTLE BEASTIE SNUCK INTO MY BEDROOM AFTER I FELL ASLEEP, RETRIEVED TWO OF THE IPADS, AND STAYED UP ALL NIGHT PLAYING MINECRAFT. 

(ALSO SHE PUT A PASSCODE ON ONE OF THEM. Luckily she hasn't yet learned about high-security passcodes and I was able to guess that it was 123456 on the 3rd or 4th attempt.)

I tossed her into the shower, wrestled her into clothes, gave her an aspirin, and deposited her at school with instructions to make her do her normal school work no matter how tired she is and to only call me if she actually pukes or spikes a fever. 

And if you need me today, I'll just be over here, questioning my life choices.



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